I’ve been trying to keep mum since January about my whole family situation, out of respect to the parties involved and all.. Plus.. A home decor blog…? Emotions..? Sometimes there’s a fine line and it’s confusing and risky to share too much. But, I also like to connect with y’all, and I know I’m not the only one who has walked this road, and I’m not the only one who will.. So.. here goes.
Tomorrow is *huge* for my family. Huge.
After thirteen long, sometimes amazing years.. sometimes awful years.. I’m going to walk into a court room with the man who used to be my best friend and have the state of Michigan tell us we aren’t married anymore.
It’s a really weird feeling. Today it was almost like I could hear the clock ticking.. The day dragged while I tried to keep myself busy so I wouldn’t dwell on it, and at the same time I blinked and it was gone. The last day as Mrs. Czuk gone. So bizarre right? Wanting something to get here and get over with, and biting my nails because.. Wait? Didn’t this just happen? Weren’t we just laughing about how crazy our kids were and planning the house we wanted to build? We didn’t even finish the t.v shows we had DVR’d…. What the crap? This is a joke right? A dream? He was JUST HERE?
I recently read this article on Momastery, and it really hit home. I struggle so much with failure. I can’t stand it, I’m absolutely a sore loser, I get angry when I can’t do something I feel should be easy for me to do. Like, I don’t know.. Marriage? ha. But I’m trying every day to see it a little differently.
Is it really a failure to stand up for yourself? Is it really a failure to try like HELL to fight for something, and then decide that you yourself is worth fighting for more? That proving to your girls that love is a powerful, powerful thing, and shouldn’t hurt, shouldn’t be something you have to ASK for?
Sometimes it’s just taking that step. Getting up off the bathroom floor and standing up. Saying, today I wont cry. Today I’ll fight for me. Today I’ll smile. Today I’ll show *every* person in my life how much they mean to me. That they matter. That life is still beautiful, just different now.
Different is okay. Scary, but okay.
It’s not a failure when you make it out alive… When you survive the storm…
“It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.”