Goodbye 2013

First off, I want to thank each and every one of you who has sent emails, comments and messages checking up on me since my little absence. I wanted to give myself time to really *REALLY* be sure I wanted to share what’s going on in my life, and do so without tears in my eyes.

I can’t promise I wont have tears in my eyes though, but go with it.

I have always been open about the struggles that life has brought our way, whether it be our marriage, family life, bills, anything really. I’m not ashamed to admit that things aren’t perfect in this little world of mine– because the internet lies, and it sends out a message that everyone else has this beautiful life full of happiness, perfect magazine homes, and every project made from toilet paper rolls turns into golden pinterest worthy wall art.

That’s not life. Life isn’t always sunshine, sometimes there is rain, and lots of it.

Right now– there’s rain.

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A few months ago (Sometimes it feels like days, sometimes years. Time kind of stands still when life is thrown for a loop) my husband decided that he just couldn’t do this anymore. And, I’ll be very very very honest with y’all.. God left my life at that very moment. I had a lot.. a LOT of hate. Because I stopped searching for my happiness in Him, and I felt I could only find that happiness through Jared. He was all I knew– he WAS my happiness right? I mean, 12 years is a long time to invest in someone.

I had friends pray for me, pray with me, days when my Mother literally had to drag me out of bed at 3 in the afternoon. Most of November was a blur, I can’t tell you how I got my children to school, who I called– (well I know I called a lot of friends, sometimes at 3 am and they so graciously answered the phone, with a yawn.. and let me sob. Scream, dwell, and over analyze the same situation I had been analyzing for weeks True friends are there when you’re a real mess.. And, for them I’ll be forever grateful), what I ate (when I remembered to. Seriously best/worst diet of my life.) but yet I somehow did all of these things.

God. God made me do these things. It was as if I went into a trance and the simplest things that you take for granted doing every day.. You stop doing them, and He just makes sure you make it out alive. Almost 40 lbs lighter, less hair, bags under your eyes.. but alive.

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I wish I could say that I’m past the point of “What the f*ck just happened” (Sorry Mom.) Because it was so, so very unexpected. But I guess that’s life right? I mean, I don’t hold the future and giving up control of it has been by FAR the hardest part of it for me. Not being able to fix the situation myself. Not being able to ‘love’ someone back to you. Not being able to make the bad parts of the situation go away. It’s definitely been a test of who I am. Who I’m supposed to be.

And, because I’ve had conversations with so many of you who are going through something similar, and maybe you’ve made it to my blog because of previous posts on marriage, considering almost 3 years later it’s still one of my top posts. Let me just tell you. It sucks. But, it does get better. A little bit every day. I held on for probably too long, romanticizing what we’ve had for over a decade because I refused to see anything besides the good.

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I will *never* forget the day that I finally woke up. I told myself I would fight like hell for my marriage until it was time to fight for myself.. and then one day I woke up.. and it was gone. The drive to hold on, the crippling fear of the future, I remember the day I realized I forgot what he smelled like and even though I needed a good hour to cry on the bathroom floor..because I had once LOVED what he smelled like– my mind was beginning to protect me.  God was waking me up. I could finally quit focusing on what I did wrong to make him not want me– not want us– not want our future and just realize: I was me. I still love the idea of love. I still want so badly to be apart of SOMETHING with someone. I’m not afraid to tell someone how I feel. Tell my friends I love the hell out of them… Tell someone when they make me sad. Show my kids that love is real, and that you can be so unbelievably happy with someone that you’ll have butterflies in your stomach forever. It’s possible. I have faith in it. There is so much good out there, so much good. And, I want to take it all in.

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I know I’ll have people disagree with my choice to put this out there. And, really I gave the G version and I have nothing to be ashamed of. Life is tough. Marriage is so hard. Divorce sucks. I wouldn’t wish the pain on anyone, but you will survive. You will thrive. You will come out so much stronger, because you only HAVE one life. You get one shot at this life, don’t spend it with someone who can’t see your worth. God places people in your life for a reason, no doubt. But sometimes he puts them there as a lesson, not to be your forever.

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Something I want to remember.

Okay y’all. I need to write this down so I can remember how I feel *right now*

Well, it happened last night but I’m still feeling quite fuzzy about it.

I’m a yeller, I am. I yell way too much and I’m too loud and sometimes I think to myself.. Damn, if someone were talking to me like that I’d feel like crap. So what the heck am I doing freaking out on my kids for doing things that kids do? I mean, sometimes I’m so hard on them I feel like I’m constantly asking them to forgive me, because I feel bad after saying something too harsh or loud. I hate when people get loud so why should I do it. Yuck. But trying to raise polite, smart, loving, respectful human beings is HARD people! Chloe– sweet little Chloe, she can be so difficult to parent. She likes things her way, and they have to be just right. Do not try and make her wear pants.. And don’t get me started if her socks are the slightest bit crooked. Getting ready for school takes an extra 30 minutes because it’s TOUGH. If she doesn’t want to do something.. she REALLY doesn’t want to do it. She’s stubborn as hell and if you put her in time out? Well good luck, because she’ll sit there all day and all night until you give up.

She can be so so sweet.. but she can be.. ohh she can be so many things.

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Then, after an especially hard day. And, Chloe colored with marker on the chair.. again. After I told her to use her tray.. again. She gave me this:

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In case you can’t read 5 year old talk– it says: I luv u I heart u I super luv u. Lily! Chloe! I heart you! I love so much! I really luv u! I sure luv you! I heart u! Even dad.

1.) She was making this when she colored on the chair.

2.) It’s washable. Seriously, and it’s a chair. Shut up Rachelle.

She still loves me. A lot. Even when I’m nagging asking her to pick up her backpack for the 30th time..  Basically God shook me and said, seriously. Calm down. It’s okay. They’re kids. It just pulled at some serious heart strings– I’m really lucky. Sometimes I forget that. And, someday (hopefully sooner rather than later) She’ll grow out of it, and we’ll laugh and say remember when she’d lay on the floor and scream and cry until she got her way.. how funny. ;)

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It helps that they’re really really cute.

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Lucky number S E V E N

I could– and would, go on and on about this fella but I’ll spare you.

We’re very lucky, that is all. God is very good.

Life is tough sometimes– but I’m pretty sure this year will be the best one yet.

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Hey Summer, stick around for a little while longer, wont ya?

Just because– I think Summer is officially over in Michigan. It’s been downright chilly lately and I’m kind of bummed. Don’t get me wrong I love me some crisp fall weather but I don’t feel like I got in enough pool days– I mean– we didn’t go to the lake ONCE. Gasp! It’s a bummer, so this post really has nothing to do with anything other than the fact that my girls are pretty dang cute and I can tell it was a hot day by their red faces. Dear Summer, won’t you stay?

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Lily

Need some summer inspiration? Summer Mantel, Summer to-do List, DIY Vintage Surf and Turf painting, or if you’re in the mood for fall and well on your way to sending those kids to school– some of my favorite fall related projects box tops for education jar, and back to school mantel .

 

 

5 Things You Never Knew About Me

First things first, have you seen the new blog makeover? There’s still some tweaks to be done but I’m in LOVE with the result. Jessica from Southtown Creative really knows what she’s doing! I also added a Project Gallery and it’s AMAZING. Mostly because I figured out how to do it myself.. haha Check it!

Let’s play a game shall we?

More of a confessional if you will..I ‘spose. And an instagram gallery of sorts.. Whatever.

Five things you didn’t know about me yesterday.. and..go.

My middle name rhymes with my first. Which is silly in itself, and then I went and married a boy with a kooky last name that has a silent C at the front of it and it confuses people. Oh and my name isn’t Rachel. I just blew.your.mind didn’t I? It’s Rachelle.. Like Ra-Shell. Sometimes I still come to Rachel though, I mean..25 years and all. My Mother hates it, she reminds me that it’s not my name and to not go by it. ha, silly woman. Picture us in the dr’s office “Rachel S” I get up because I know they mean me and she says “It’s RA-SHELLLL” Her fault really. Just kidding Mom.

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I can’t blow a bubble with gum. No clue. I don’t chew gum anyway, but if I did and entered into a bubble blowing contest I’d surely lose and probably do it wrong, and die.

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When I’m concentrating at home, reading or on the computer I pull the neck part of my shirt over my mouth. It’s so weird, it makes Jared laugh because I don’t realize I’m doing it. Nervous twitch maybe? Something from my childhood probably. Therapy helps. Just kidding, we haven’t talked about that.. yet.

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I get hives. Literally all day long. If I’m talking to someone, nervous, excited, angry, sad, eating.. My chest is full of them and it makes people uncomfortable. So uhh.. excited for Haven anyone? I’ll be the chick in a turtleneck.. in Hotlanta..in August. Awesome.

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I’ve had my nose, tongue, belly button and ears pierced and took all of them out. Well, okay I wear earrings but just in one hole each, I have 3 holes in each ear. Basically I’m full of holes.. Wait..what?

Happy Monday Homies.

Instagram Life

I’m a big fan of Instagram. I’m not going to jump on the vine bandwagon anytime soon but I sure do love seeing what everyone’s up to with pretty pictures and filters and sharing my babies faces. Because, let’s face it.. They’re freakin’ adorable.

Here’s my life via instagram as of late.. if you’d like to follow along I’m Fotfblog {Clever I know}

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1.) The girls got fun glasses.. Sometimes I steal them. Not Chloe’s though because she wears them EVERY.WHERE. She’ll say “These are real guys, I have bad eyes” Dork.

2.) Said glasses at TGIFridays

3.) We’re the elderly couple trying to figure out this finicky phone.. we also don’t clean mirrors.. Clearly.

4.) Girlfrann got her hair did and a hot chocolate. She felt pretty fly.

5.) Two things.. I hit 100k which is crazy because we bought it almost new. Wahh. Also almost 60 degrees in January, What?!

6.) Earrings weren’t as fun getting as someone thought.. Poor babe. It was okay 10 minutes later.. Best birthday gift ever she said!

7.) Pier 1 pinned my bedroom.. ’nuff said.

8.) Rusty metal arrow goodness? Or made from paper.. You decide. ;) I’ll blog about it soon.

9.) Pre-earring joy. SUCH excitement!

10.) Matching makeup.. Not matching bathing suits.

11.) Sleepy head.

12.) I quit pop again (YES POP) and my coworker spilled hers and it affirmed it’s love for me.

Do you have an instagram? Share it in the comments so we can follow you!

Oh! Shoot.. I forgot to tell you! There’s a giveaway going on over on Facebook right now.. :) You might want to check ‘er out.

New Years Resolutions

Happy Last Day of 2012!

I’m one of those people..It’s true. I make the lists. The resolutions. The goals. Yup. I do, and I love every minute of it.

I thought I’d share some of my personal goals with you today, and maybe later on this afternoon if I can get the post together I’ll share my “homey” goals as well.

1.) Breath, and Just Live. I have a horrible tendency of letting my struggles become who I am. They aren’t. The fight inside, the perseverance,  the bright side. That’s who I need to focus on being. I can’t go back in time and do this, that, this or such and such and make the outcome better. The outcome is exactly how I wanted, why dwell on what I could have done to make it better. I have my family, my home and my health. I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be, right now. So knock it off, Rachelle.

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2.) I miss staying at home with my children. There, I said it. I miss feeling like my home is clean, and making dinner and having TIME to blog..and create. I go to work when it’s dark out and I come home when it’s dark out. It’s making me a sad person. I know financially we can’t afford for me to stay home because it was a large trade off having Jared in town vs. me being at home all day. But gosh, it’s a goal. We have ideas, and we want to make it happen. Because you know, you only get one life.. and some how..some way, I’ll see my babies more.

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3.) Let go, live a little. Stop stressing the small things. So the kids spilled something, or I lost one of my favorite $3.00 target special earrings. Life will go on. No need to stay up at night worrying about silly little inconveniences (However, I still do stay up at night missing my 1st wedding band set the girls played with secretly..and lost.. Sigh.. but it’s just a ring.. say it with me, it’s just a ring)  But, when the girls are acting like..kids act when we’re at home depot. I want to just smile and keep on, movin on. Because really, they’re dancing in the store. Who said you had to walk anyways? Everyone should break down and dance once and a while. Key to happiness people!

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Besides those super cheesy, weepy ones.. :) I also would love to generally just be a happier version of me. Sometimes life really just gets me down and why? There’s so much beauty in just being able to wake up every day! Positive living, I’m working on it.

I also want to eat as clean, and healthy as I can. My body is definitely telling me things lately and I’m trying to listen. The other day, I was craving Brussels Sprouts like a crazy person. Why? I’ve NEVER had them in my life. But I couldn’t think about anything else. So off to the store I went. My body wants greens, it’s getting greens– ha!

And, no. I’m not pregnant.

But, can that be my N.Y.Resolution too? ;)

So tell me yours!

2012 Resolutions

Okay.. I’ll admit it, I love them. I love the idea that I can start FRESH. Kind of like when I say I’m going to start working out but it can’t be on any day other than a Monday. New week. New year. You get the drift. New beginnings, and I enjoy them. Mucho.

A few things I want to work on this year..

Quit looking for perfection in my marriage. It wont happen. We can’t erase the past, nor is it a romance movie where he’ll sweep in and say all the right things and I’ll feel that twinge in my stomach, with a twinkle in my eye and know every things better. Nope. Nada.

We’ll still have fights.. Will they lead to divorce? Lord help me I hope not, but it’s NORMAL to fight. I don’t have to stay awake after every fight worrying that this one was the one that broke the camels back, we should have just agreed on where to have dinner damn it. 

  

Breathe Rachelle. LIVE. Stop worrying. Be happy. Quit being so concerned with the idea that he might not be happy. You make him happy, shut your head up.

Be a Yes Mom. Sometimes I think I’m the cranky Mom who doesn’t want to do anything. I’m also not really a “play” Mom. I love to take the girls to lunch dates, or movie dates, or shopping. We snuggle all the time or color but I don’t really…. play and I always feel like I’m scarring them for life by not rolling on the floor playing barbies.

I mean, I’m probably not scarring them, but I want them to grow up and have memories of me being fun, loving and a part (Not to be confused with APART.. Thankyouverymuch) of things.

Not remembering me working on something while they played in the playroom. I want to be in their memories. All of them.

 

Be in photos.
LOL this one sounds so superficial, doesn’t it? I’m always behind the camera. I say to Mr. Fingerprints all the time, “What if I were to die. You wouldn’t even remember what I looked like!” I’m trying to be better. Say, “hey! Take a picture of us.” But I feel so lame doing it. Stop it Rachelle.. Quiet that head up again! ;)

Be happy with my body. This also means taking care of it. Sure I want to lose 20 more pounds but if I don’t that’s okay. I’ve been working hard as a mother trucker to lose my baby weight.. (Ha, the baby who is almost…Four. Gulp) But my body will NEVER be pre-baby. It’s okay. Learn to live with it, learn to like it. I should probably quit messing with my hair too because it’s a hot mess and can’t afford any more fried ends or patches from it falling out all the time. ;)

Be a happy person. Be a good friend. Be content. Be the sunshine in someone’s life. Be the blog that people feel good after they read. Be the best me that I can be.
Because I only get one shot at this lil’ thing called life. I fully intend to rock it this year.
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What about you? Do you have any new years resolutions that you’re going to work on this year?! Share with us! 

Sharing over at Amandas! 

Q & A Part One.

Ooo! Fun! Here is my question: How do you find the time to blog, coordinate linkups, and do projects? As a stay at home mom myself, I know how difficult it can be :)
  
   Well, I like to blog either in the morning or late at night, then either schedule them or when I get on randomly I’ll post something I feel like talking about. Projects are fairly easy to get around to doing because my girls are close in age, and old enough to play in the playroom and give me some time. Now that one is in school though for half a day the other naps too. Quiet house, busy Mom!
My husband also is gone 90% of the time for work so it’s one less person to take care of– I mean, um, give my attention to. :) But on weekends I work part time and he comes home, so I skip the blogging when both of us can be home together. I try to balance it all out, even then I’m sure something is lacking– No one can do it all.

I’d like to know how you schedule your day , too. SAHM and blogger here, too. I have only 1 child but sometimes I have a hard time keeping up!

   Schedule? Well, some days it’s different but mostly the girls wake up around 9 and we lay around eating breakfast or watching Mickey Mouse clubhouse. I realize I’m totally getting spoiled sleeping in till 9 and I’ll probably jinx myself saying it out loud now. But, hey they like to sleep and so do I! :) Then they either play up stairs and I do a load of dishes or laundry. Give them a bath, and get their clothes ready for the day. Pack my oldest her lunch and head out the door for school. Then the youngest and I will either go home and mess around with things that need to get done, take a nap or go grocery shopping/thrifting/errands that need to be done. Pick up the oldest again and go home and get ready for dinner or go to my Mom’s for dinner, which she often likes us girls to come do. :) On the rare days that I have to go into work it’s the exact same except we get up at 7 and they go to the sitters house or hang out with Dad when he can come home. At night we make sure nothing is on the floor– put our clothes away from the day, play, work on kindergarten homework, watch a movie or Blues Clues then they go to bed. And, by bed I mean, climb out and come ask me for water..kisses..hugs..turn the fan on..”I’m hot”…”I heard something” 1000 times, each night. This is why they sleep in I guess. :)

How do you keep all of the kid clutter (aka toys and craft stuff) organized? I have triplet 2-year olds and their ‘stuff’ is taking over the house!!

  I’m working on organized, but for now it’s put away. We have four drawers that are in our living room in our entertainment unit that are for toys. 1.) Drawing and coloring stuff 2.) Movies 3.) Small living room toys 4.)Video games..That one is more for my husband.

I get really claustrophobic and can’t relax if there are a million toys on the floor. I can’t stand it. So it’s easier for our family to say “Time for a quick clean!” Either right when we get home, or before we leave (I don’t want to come home to a stressful house) and a few times throughout the night when it’s getting bad. It might not be the most efficient way but when we had the house on the market and got a call for a showing we just threw them in the drawers. Easy! Right now we’re working on having a playroom with a nice system. Hopefully I can show it soon!

And, Triplets? You go girl!

OK so now my mind goes blank…umm oh how about have you ever visited England, ’cause that’s where I am!

  I haven’t but maybe someday! How fun that you get to live there though, I want to live somewhere fabulous. :) I haven’t been too many places– Mexico (Honeymoon) Dominican Republic (Anniversary) and of course Disney a handful of times.

*Dominican Republic– Hot, Sweaty bus trip.. Pregnant with LB2, no makeup and a killer sunburn*

What made you decide to start a blog? :)

  Well I read them, loved them, and wanted to do it.
I also had no one around here that was really interested in the same things I was and I was getting to be sad not having anyone to relate to. Now I have this whole huge community of people who *love* what I love. Have kids and *understand* exactly what I’m going through. Some of them live all the way on the other side of the United States and I can just text them..Vent.. and they just KNOW what I mean. It’s an outlet, one that I’m very blessed to have.

My questions are:
1. You are so stinkin’ cute! Every picture you look adorable. Do you look like that all the time? or just when you take pictures? Where do you buy your cute clothes?


LOL. That’s funny. No I do not look like that all the time, I usually only share cute pictures. I’m seriously vain like that. Want to see what I really look like? Okay… But you owe me, google is forever, and now I’ll end up on some site making fun of me.


And I doubt she gave you the stinkeye that’s just how her face looks, you know? That’s just her face. 
Name that movie.
Now.

And all my clothes come from Target… Seriously. Maybe a little Kohls sprinkled in or Vanity. With the exception of jeans which come from Old Navy or American Eagle.. I need jeans that don’t sit to low, I have a lot going on in the back and pants never stay up. No one wants a picture of that burned in their brain.  I just purchased the “Flirt” style from O.N and they have some stretch in them. They’re like Heaven. :)

2. How in the world do you keep that white sofa white? I knew it’s slipcovered, but my kids love red clay and Sharpies. How do you do it?

I don’t stress. My husband however, he’s a different story. He made a “No crayon, marker, pen, food, drink, shoes, dirt, germ, grain of pepper” rule for the living room– Just in case. Then I let the girls do it anyways.. They always tell him I say it’s okay when he’s gone.. Blast those children! Here’s what I do. If something gets on it, I wipe it up. If it’s a mean ol’ stain like lets say… Mild sauce from Taco Bell, I spray a little cleaner on it. My own solution of bleach and water chased with some dish soap and prayers… And it comes out pretty well. I just actually washed them for the first time last Friday, I put bleach in the machine and washed it like the regular whites and they came out shiny new. Oh, and I did it on cold so they wouldn’t shrink.. That I would most definitely get in trouble for. I figure.. It’s just a couch. Life happens, a stain wont kill me. I could always turn the cushion over. ;) 

That was fun girls! I’m going to slowly go through these considering there’s quite a few! Plus it’s fun to throw a little Q & A in on the blogging right? We’ve also had a few new friends come by.. *Hi!* I’m so glad you came, stick around eh? Have a totally random, fun question? Go to this post and I’ll slowly but surely answer it!

Q & A

So I thought this would be kind of fun.. Or really lame if no one wants to participate.. If you don’t we’re going to lock this away and pretend like it never happened, deal? Good.

I get a lot good amount of little questions in my inbox– sometimes they’re totally random…

What husband and I do for our date nights– :) When we get date nights, it’s Carrabbas *Yum* and a movie.. Or Home Depot, not going to lie we love thinking about all the things we could do to improve our house. Sometimes we just eat cake.. :)

Questions about my family..

Why I let my kids dress how they’d like…

Or what color my hair is this week…

And, questions I forget to answer like where I bought something in my house. Duh.

So how about we have a big ol’ question and answer day? Comment on this post any question, and I’ll answer it.

Go ahead, make me blush! Ha.. But because it’s family let’s keep it PG-13, that’s for you silly trolls out there! ;-P

I’ll come back this week and answer them. Let’s have some fun! Ready set go! 

Weekend Bloggy Reading